The Child Knows... Gourmet is the Only Way by Elisa P. Black The little dark-haired boy eyed his dry, clumpy oatmeal disgustedly. Forcing in his spoon and picking up a clump, he shook it vigorously to see what would happen. The oatmeal didn't budge. His pal Ruff was sitting at the table across from him eating a slice of pineapple pecan pie with juicy filling and a light, flaky crust. The tempting smell made his mouth water. "Donny," his mom's voice pulled him out of his pie worship, "aren't you going to eat your oatmeal?" "Sure, Mom." He carefully place the clump in his mouth. It felt and tasted like a rock. He gagged. Ruff tried not to snicker. "Stupid dog! Eat your pie!" "Honey," said his mom patiently from the sink," you know Ruff's just a part of your imagination, right?" "No, he's not. He's a master chef." Both boy and pup beamed with pride. "Then why can't he make something for you to eat? It would save me the trouble and I can't even cook very well anyway." "That's not true, Mom. It's just some things you can't cook. And Ruff doesn't want to make you feel bad or anything." "Right, honey." She chuckled and kissed his forehead. "Mo-om!" He wiped it away with his sleeve. Ruff smiled annoyingly and ran around happily barking,"Ruffie!" She chuckled again and he allowed her to ruffle his hair. "I'm going to do some shopping. Eat your oatmeal and wash the bowl when you're done. You're a big boy now and I'm trusting you to hold down the fort. Be a good boy." As soon as the front door closed, Donny dumped the oatmeal in the trash. Ruff sat with his head bowed down, a shaking mass of brown and white fur being all that was visible. "I know you're laughing at me, ya stupid mutt. Stop hiding behind all your fur." Ruff looked up with innocent eyes. "I would never laugh at you." Donny ignored the dog and concentrated on the problem of his hunger. He didn't have any money to buy snacks at the corner store. And his mom would never leave any edible food around which didn't have to be cooked. His stomach growled so loudly, it made Ruff jump. As the pup glared at him, he laughed."Well, why don't you help me then?" Wait a minute..."That's it! Teach me how to cook!" Ruff looked at him as if he were wasting precious food on a food fight with himself. "B-but you don't know how to cook and your mom would kill me if anything happened..." "She can't even _see_ you! How can she kill you? And that's why you gotta teach me how to cook. That is, if you value your precious fur as much as you say you do..." Donny had an evil gleam in his eye. Ruff whined. *** Five hours later, a tired Mr. Schanke drudged up the stairs to the front door. His work was demanding and the only thing that could smell worse was his wife's cooking, the scent of which would hit him like a brick when he opened the front door. At least Toronto's sewers were cleaner than those of every other city in the entire universe and on all other planes of existence (as evidenced by the firebug and hunter lady episodes). He inched the door open slowly so as not to let the stench hit him all at once... No, it couldn't be! Yes, it was! Good Lord, a miracle! Or takeout. "Honey, are you home?" He called eagerly. "Mom's shopping!" came his son's voice. Takeout, then? Not unless Donny had saved up some money. He quickly changed out of his clothes and headed for the dining room. Nope, nothing here but a set table. He pushed open the swinging door to the kitchen and gaped. His nine-year-old son Donny, who had never cooked before, let alone been allowed in the kitchen while his mother was cooking, was stir-frying a juicy and colorful array of beef and veggies. The frilly apron he wore was even clean! On a nearby counter sat dishes of indescribable delicacies. "Dad," his son's voice pulled him out of his food worship, "could you bring this stuff outside? Ruffie would, but he's pooped." "Y-you c-cooked this?" He reached for the first dish tentatively as if afraid it would disappear. "Yeah, Ruffie taught me." His son beamed. He tasted a bit of the, well, indescribable delicacy. It was heaven. He grabbed his son up in a bear hug. "Oh, thank you! Thank you!" "No, thank Ruff." Donny pointed to the corner by the fridge. And he almost, almost!, thought he saw an incorporeal black and white sheepdog-like pup grinning at him, and barking, "Ruffie!" *** An hour after that(shopping was her one true talent), Mrs. Schanke came home to find her family happily eating. Tasting the food, she declared it good and vowed never to cook again. She even thought she caught a glimpse of the master chef and could have sworn she saw a slice of lasagna mysteriously disappear. And heard a faintly echoing," Ruffie!" *** It was a twelve-year-old Don who said a sad farewell to his best buddy who was going on a trip around the world to see master chefs everywhere. *** Nick dropped Schanke off at his house. He drudged up the stairs and wondered why Myra had to cut all the gourmet out of his diet. If only... A brief smile lit his face. If only his old invisible pal Ruff were here. He'd know what to do. Schanke opened the door and stepped inside, heading for the kitchen and his dinner. The smell of impeccable gourmet woke him up. No, it can't be... In the kitchen he found an aproned little Jenny surrounded by tasty dishes, and from the corner by the fridge came a familiar, "Ruffie!" The End --- The Child Knows... The Blues Ain't Blue by Elisa P. Black "Cowabunga!" yelled a babyish voice as a little gray bunny swung off Richie's model of a Wright Brothers' plane and knocked over several test tubes. Fuzzy sat nearby playing with his own chemicals. "Bunny!" yelled Natalie and Fuzzy at the same time. The spilled chemicals smoked and gave off a small poof! like a mushroom cloud. Nat, who had been on the other side of the room, waved away the noxious stuff and rushed forward to see if her friends were OK. The two bunny brothers in their pink PJs with white polka dots hopped up to her. "We love it when things go kablooey, but not when it's us!" Bunny grinned mischievously. She did a double-take. They were blue! And Fuzzy, the older, wiser one, looked incredibly sad. She picked him up and saw why. His head had nearly been separated from his body. "Oh, you poor baby. Dr. Natalie will fix you right up." At least no one upstairs had heard anything, she thought ruefully while surveying the damaged table, looking for a place to perform emergency surgery. Bunny whined unhappily for a minute, then set to work with chemicals to repair the table. Although quite restless, he had a brilliant mind. Natalie snuck upstairs and filched her mother's sewing kit. She prepared a suture and sewed up the crying bunny. "There you go, you brave little sweetheart. You just sleep now, OK?" Fuzzy nodded off. Then Bunny looked up from the brown paste he was smearing into the scorched table. "Shame on you, Doctor. You forgot the anesthesia." "Oh." And that's why Nat works on _dead_ bodies. EPILOGUE "This just came for you, Nat." Grace dropped a small box on the desk. She checked for a return address. There was none. She opened the box. Out jumped two little blue bunnies which had mysteriously disappeared many years ago. "Thank God you're here!" exclaimed Nat. "Now you can help me with a certain cure..." The End --- The Child Knows... Power by Elisa P. Black Like a cool white moonbeam playing hide-and-seek amongst the fragile leaves, the cat came and left as she pleased. The beautiful child with lustrous dark hair came to this garden each night as well. She came to see the cat, to know its secrets, to learn of the world beyond the garden wall. This moonlit night, someone else invaded the sanctuary. A neighboring family had come to dinner in the miserable house. And afterwards it had been suggested that the "children go out to play." So here she was, the raven-haired angel, princess of the sweet garden night, awaiting the queen. With a restless little brat beside her. All of a sudden, he raced off amongst the bushes. Good, thought Janette, resettling her skirts. When she looked up the cat had appeared, its mysterious blue eyes matching her gaze. "Madame Kitty," whispered the girl with a slight quiver of excitement in her voice. Madame smiled upon her. "Come child. Tonight you shall learn about power." Janette stood from the bench and followed the highly held head and arched back. Circling behind the bushes, they came upon the kneeling form of the neighbor's boy as he picked the delicate flowers which resided there. He moved with a dreamy slowness, not seeming to notice them or even the golden hair which had fallen into his pretty blue eyes which sparkled with an inner light. Madame spoke. "This is your power, child." "What do you mean?" Janette liked to hear Madame's pretty words, but sometimes could not understand. The boy seemed to start at the sound of her voice. Jumping to his feet and blushing furiously, he sketched a respectful bow and offered the freshly-picked bouquet. "Pardon, mademoiselle, I could not resist making a tribute in honor of your beauty. And pardon my having to ask, but did you speak to me previously?" Janette took the flowers out of politeness and pity, well, only a little bit of pity. Mostly she felt like laughing; she wasn't sure at what. She had the good sense to squelch it, and smiled,"Merci, Monsieur. I was previously speaking to Madame Kitty." She gestured toward the magnificent feline beside her. He followed her carelessly elegant gesture with a blank face. He could see nothing beside her. trying to ignore the incident, he managed an endearing lopsided grin which washed her in happiness. Madame laughed at his obvious puzzlement. "He can't see me, child. He has not the power." "What is this power you speak of, Madame?" The boy started to look a bit spooked, but tried stubbornly to ignore. "Shall we take a walk about the garden?" he asked, offering his arm. Janette finally realized where her hidden laughter was coming from, delight. How debonair this boy was, how flattering. Slowly, his facade of the little brat was dropping away to be replaced by an earnest gentleman. How adorable, like an eager puppy. So this was her power. The power to control men with each action, each gesture, with her very presence. Enchanting them with her beauty and her mystery, much as Madame had induced her to come to the garden every night. It was all much too delightful. She laughed and took the boy's arm. "What is it that has given me the pleasure of hearing your sweet laughter?" he asked in confusion as they started off. "Oh, nothing. Nothing at all." She turned to look at Madame who smiled and disappeared. *** They were hidden behind a nearby stone, watching the camp of knights for a chance to get dinner. The moon cast a soft light upon everything, and Janette fervently wished for her childhood garden. At that moment, LaCroix summoned her attention. "Look, one of the knights has gone off alone." Janette smiled hungrily, unknowingly seductive, and LaCroix was again pleased to have been fortunate enough to preserve her beauty. They set off. The knight sat upon a stone, his golden hair gleaming, as he stared up at the stars and the moon. LaCroix grinned ferally and nudged Janette. *** He turned at the sound of rustling skirts and out of the barren world came an angel. A beautiful pale woman with lustrous dark hair flowing freely, wearing a royal blue gown cut in daring, yet elegant proportions. Where could this lovely apparition have come from? "Mademoiselle, are you a ghost, an angel?" he whispered in awe. "No," whispered Janette, her eyes sparkling with remembrance of a garden walk. This one's eyes were that same brilliant shade of blue, and his mannerisms as charmingly innocent. He sketched a familiar respectful bow. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Nicholas de Brabant. And you, my fair lady, are?" She couldn't resist his endearing lopsided grin as she took his proffered arm. In the distance, a cat meowed. *** She took a sip from her wine glass and looked up to see Nicholas come through the chain curtain. He made a beeline for him with that endearing grin on his face. Giving her a quick, enticing kiss, he then proceeded to ask for help on a case as usual. She strung him along to draw out the visit, then gave him the information. She sighed as he left. Picking up her wine glass, she headed for the back rooms, awash in sadness for her lost Nicholas. But she did understand, she understood completely, she had the power to. Maybe it was a curse? Something shot across the room, something small and furry. A mew! came from behind her and another from the opposite corner. A parade of darling white furballs floated towards her. She laughed and the kittens showed off for her with little tricks. "These are my children, stated Madame simply as she appeared out of nowhere, as magnificent and mysterious as before. "Power like ours is no curse. You've done well, child. And you always will. As long as Fate is a lady the same as we." The End --- The Child Knows... Torture by Elisa P. Black Brandishing the sword with determination, he held the eyes of his rival with forced aplomb. Like lightning, he swung. Chink! He fell back, stunned. Squinted at his opponent's weapon. It looked like a food of some sort, a kind of grain. He squinted again at the pale tan tubular object, becoming even more puzzled as his enemy ate the thing. 'Do not give your enemy any advantages, especially those of your emotions,' he reminded himself. Then he realized his opponent was weaponless. Squelching a feral grin, he swung again. 'I'll slice this bugger in half...' He stared. Nothing stood before him anymore! Perhaps he'd finally gotten rid of the thing; sliced it in two and sent the pieces flying... Something tickled his leg. He reached down to scratch it through the white cloth... and froze as a babyish voice taunted him,"Hey, Toga-boy, nice legs!" The thing was running around his leg! He swatted wildly, trying to hit it. Flash of a funny bright green furry object with large red feet. "En guard!" it yelled, brandishing another grain. 'En guard,' he wondered in confusion, while lifting his sword in response to the obvious threat the other being posed. He blocked his enemy's blow only to find his sword flying away. "Hey!" The little bugger was prancing about happily. "The Power of the Rice Krispie!" "Rice Krispie?" "It's a sort of baked rice." He watched the alien being chomp this newest grain and something snapped within him. "What the hell are you?!" he screamed, leaping at the alien so small he could crush it in his preadolescent palm. "Where did you come from?! How do you do those things and why do you ANNOY ME SO?!!!" It neatly side-stepped him and he found himself lying face down in a pool of mud. 'Arrrghhh! My beautiful, immaculate toga!' he fumed in silent rage. "Hey!" it replied crossly. "You're the one who snuck into your neighbor's olive grove to steal olives and ended up grabbing me by mistake! I was just having a conversation with my little bird pal!" A nasty idea formed in his head. Maybe he could use this thing to torture his little sister. After all, if you can't beat 'em, manipulate 'em. And perhaps he could learn a thing or two from this one... He faked a gracious smile. "I apologize for my behavior. Perhaps we could be... friends. I am Lucius, son of the great general Archionus." The diminutive alien frowned. Darn, the bugger wasn't buying his act. It considered the situation. Then it suddenly tilted its head and consequently its whole body(since it was nothing more than a freaky-colored furball on big feet) as if listening to a nonexistent voice. Smiling, it nodded to the voice and finally spoke itself. "I am Prince Bleepy Buggy of the Planet of the Buggies. And I have been given the mission of torturing you, Oh Merciless Torturing One." Lucius gasped in horror. *** Everyone was asleep. He smiled to himself in the certainty that no one would see him. Not even that annoying little Bleep. He grabbed the nearby branch and pulled himself out his bedroom window. Moving carefully across a few branches, he arrived outside his little sister's window. Hmm, what could he do to scare her tonight...? "BOO!" The word came like a shot from the dark. Lucius was so startled he fell backwards from the tree. Landing in a small bush, he lay in shock. And Bleep cam out of the shadows. "Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh." *** Nicholas was sulking yet again. Bottle in hand, his son rested against the mantle, standing perilously close to the merry fire. He decided it was time to make his entrance. And LaCroix came out of the shadows. "Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh." *** Another being felt this impending torture to be rather unfair. And so Bleep stepped out of the shadows. "Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh." *** 'Oh,no,' thought LaCroix, 'I thought I'd lost him 2000 years ago! Is he a vampire too having lived so long? Arrghh!' He flew away as fast as possible. *** Nick looked on in confusion as LaCroix vanished. A tiny neon green furry creature gazed at him calmly and popped a--what did Nat call those--"Rice Krispie" into the spot where a mouth should be buried beneath the fur. It was rather cute. "Bleep," it said innocently, winking and waddling away. The End